THE LIFT EFFECT: WHY YOUR BEST PEOPLE BECOME SILENT AND HOW TO FIX IT

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response."— Viktor Frankl

The meeting had just ended, and one of my strongest leaders stayed behind. He challenged a decision I made in front of the whole team. The concerns were valid, but the delivery was sharp and felt disrespectful. I knew that was not his intent.

I felt my inner tension building, but I stayed restrained. He believed our timeline was too aggressive and that we had no realistic way of exceeding the target. In my usual professional, straightforward tone, I said, “I hear and appreciate what you’re saying, but it’s important that we move forward on this.”

 I didn’t yell or insult him...I’m not a yeller. But my response could easily be perceived as shutting it down. In fact, I did shut it down.

This brief exchange took weeks to get from ice-cold back to the warm relationship we've enjoyed for many, many years. Please, let that sink in for a moment.

My response gave him the impression that it wasn’t safe to bring different ideas or perspectives, particularly when I was under pressure. The reality is, we were all under extraordinary pressure, and I’m usually the buffer.

The content of my response was not the problem. I was technically correct. The decision was sound. However, my actions taught him in that moment that it is not safe to bring differing viewpoints when I am under pressure.

And when differing views are not safe, people do not stop noticing problems. They simply stop telling you. Neither are they willing to share any creative ideas that may differ from yours because they do not feel psychologically safe.

Barrier to Open Conversations

Gallup found that 70% of the difference in team engagement is determined by the manager. Not the company, industry, or benefits. It’s the manager. People do not leave companies; they leave the emotional climate created by the manager.

Harvard's Amy Edmondson, whose research on psychological safety has reshaped how we understand team performance, put it bluntly: "A single punitive response to good-faith feedback can damage trust built over months." Your mood is not personal; it is organizational.

Emotional intelligence expert Travis Bradberry analyzed data from over a million people and found that emotional intelligence accounts for 58% of job performance across all job types. More than half of what determines whether someone succeeds has nothing to do with technical skill. It has to do with how they regulate themselves and manage relationships.

Too many leaders tend to miss the reality that your emotional regulation is not a “soft skill”; it is your performance infrastructure.

LIFT With Your Response

Frankl was right on target! Between stimulus and response, there is a space. That space is where leadership lives or dies. In hindsight, which is always 20/20, I realized that had I put space between my leader's comments and my response, we could have had a much better outcome. 

Ancient wisdom teaches us, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

That is why I developed a framework to use that space wisely and prevent leaders like you from making the same mistake. I call it the LIFT Response.

Label your emotion precisely. Not "frustrated." Threatened. Embarrassed. Dismissed. Naming reduces intensity.

Inquire before you instruct. "Walk me through your thinking" beats "Here is what we are doing."

Frame truth with dignity. Direct does not have to be destructive.

Transmit care alongside clarity. Accountability without humiliation. Firmness without coldness.

Label. Inquire. Frame. Transmit. LIFT.

Time and Intentional Change Heals Wounds

Remember that brief conversation? The one that took time to repair?

Here is what it takes to fix it.

First, I had to own it. Not a vague "I am sorry if you felt shut down." A specific acknowledgment: "I responded defensively. You raised a legitimate concern, and I shut you down. I should have never done that because I value you, your commitment, and all that you bring to this team and organization."

It took him a little time to turn the page. Over the next few weeks, things gradually returned to normal, and he resumed pushing back on issues where he had a different opinion, as well as sharing innovative ideas to elevate our teams.

Coaching for Lift Off

If you recognized yourself in this story, you are not alone. And you are not stuck. Emotional intelligence can be developed to cultivate psychological safety. But development requires brutal honesty. You must be able to handle the truth!

This week, take two actions:

Action 1: Identify your trigger. Where do you lose steadiness? Feedback? Conflict? Pressure from above? Name the arena where you react before you choose.

Action 2: Ask for feedback. Find someone you trust and ask: "When things get stressful, what do you need more from me? And what do you need less?" Do not defend. Write it down, take immediate action on the feedback, and monitor your progress.

If you practice the LIFT Response and intentionally apply it for thirty days, you will see a shift in how your team brings you information and openly shares ideas. Not because they changed, but because you did.

A few seconds of damage takes several weeks to repair. That is the math of emotionally intelligent leadership; the moments are small, but the impact is major. Your emotional reaction goes beyond the moment and becomes the message your entire team receives.

Use Your Response to LIFT Your Team

ELEVATE WITH AI: Use this prompt with Claude or ChatGPT:

"I have a difficult conversation coming up with [describe briefly]. I am feeling [name your emotion]. Using the LIFT framework, help me prepare: (1) one question to open with curiosity, and (2) one sentence to frame my message with clarity and care."

Suggested tool: Claude (free) or ChatGPT (free)

LeaderLift equips leaders to implement the LIFT effect through assessments, training, coaching, consulting programs, and keynote speaking. Our hands-on approach to leadership development helps participants lift their performance and make a positive and sustained impact within their organizations.

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